Bill and Lola

Dear Bill and Lola,

 

My girlfriend and I just broke up about a week ago. I've tried to get over it, but every time I pass her in the halls, my heart still aches. Now I feel guilty whenever I go out with another girl. What should I do?

 

Sincerely,

Guilt Ridden

 

Dear Guilt,

 

No wonder she dumped you: you're whiny and clingy! The chances are good that she's glad you're out of her hair, and now she doesn't feel burdened by your existence anymore. She's probably already dated a thousand guys while you sat at home moping, so go out and get a life. As for the heartburn, I've heard that Pepto Bismol works pretty well.

 

Sincerely,

Dr. Bill

Dear Guilt,

Oh, you poor thing! I understand completely: this is your first relationship, and you don't know how to move on. Here's my advice: what's done is done, and though you may nurse a broken heart for weeks to come, it's best if you move on. Date other girls and don't feel guilty; being a teenager is all about sampling the many flavors life has to offer. 

Cordially, 

Ms. Lola

 

 

 

Dear Bill and Lola,

 

The other day, my bff and I were in my room watching TV, and we decided to invite our other friend, so I went to pick her up while my bff stayed in my room, but my car couldn't start, and when I got back to my house, I saw my bff reading my personal, private diary! I feel betrayed. Help?

 

Sincerely,

Bea Trayed

 

Dear Bea,

 

My first advice is to work on avoiding your run-on sentences. I felt my IQ depleting with every word I read.

If you are having car problems, make sure your gear is in Park. Next, see if your alternator is working properly, and check your fuses. If all else fails, have your car towed to have professional mechanics take a look at it. If you had properly maintained your car, your "bff" would have had enough time to finish reading your diary. Ignorance is bliss.

 

Sincerely,

Dr. Bill

Dear Bea,

That's terrible! That happened to me when I was your age: only it was my mother reading my diary. Mothers are one thing; friends are a completely different matter. You must consider this: Would a true "bff" go through your diary for no reason, or even come up with a seemingly good reason to do so? I highly doubt it. You need to decide if this particular bff is for keeps. Confront her about the diary issue and tell her how you feel, and if she really is your bff, then she'll feel bad and apologize. If not, well, it still needs to be done. I certainly wouldn't want to have that particular on the back burner all the time.

Cordially, 

Ms. Lola